Monday, December 07, 2015

My first Rent The Runway!

I read about this website Rent the Runway quite a while ago and thought I'd never try it, though the dresses are pretty. This fall, I realized that I had nothing suitable to wear to my husband's company holiday party and didn't really want to buy something new. I knew that a new dress would sit in my closet for a year or longer until the next remotely semi-formal outing came along. Why not wear something once and feel like I got my money's worth?

Rent the Runway is not subscription based, so you can rent whenever you like for no monthly/regular fees. My dress was around $40 to rent for 4 days (that stupidly includes the delivery day, which means I got it the night before the event on Friday).

It took me a little while to pick a dress. I think everything was way too formal at first. I finally narrowed it down to two possibilities: a little black dress, or the Rainwater dress. Typically, you can't go wrong at any event with an LBD, but I wasn't sure how the straps & neckline would look on my broad shoulders. I loved the colors on the Rainwater dress, so I read through the reviews, saw that the bust runs small (a good thing for me) and went for it.

My dress arrived just before 8 PM on Friday. I tried on my first size and couldn't get the zipper up. I really had no idea what size I wore, so I ordered my usual pants size, plus the next smallest size. The pants size was the right one, it fit perfectly!


First, I got to be confused about the package that had arrived. A... bag? Let me tell you, this looked highly suspicious sitting on my front steps. I figured out how to unlock it, unzipped, and then unfolded. It's a garment bag! Inside were my two dresses, a return shipping label, and two more little zipping lock things for the return delivery. One was broken, but I fortunately only needed one.

Sorry I only took crappy iPhone photos.

Yay! So cute. You can also see my lovely haircut.

I figured black tights were more winter appropriate and I wore my so freaking comfy black leather flats. Check them out here

I snuck a photo with the husband. Trust me, he looked dashing. The tie colors matched my dress.

The last part of my ensemble was a silver scarf, which I already owned. I thought that was a nice way to lighten up the colors, plus it went well with the silver accents in the dress. My earrings are vintage silver and the necklace I've just had for ages. Oh I also wore my college graduation ring, aka. Galadriel's Nenya

Oh, sorry. Lastly, this is the make-up I wore, except a little less "wing".

All in all, I do recommend Rent the Runway! Return delivery was easy: find a UPS store or drop-box and leave the package there! They do the cleaning for you and I even got to keep the hangers. They have a pretty wide size range, from women's 0 to 22, which I think is great, though I don't know how many options there are in the higher sizes.

Thursday, December 03, 2015

Medication isn't so bad, for me

I just want to say that I'm sorry.

I'm sorry if I ever spoke disparagingly about treating any kind of illness with or without medication.

I'm sorry if I acted pretentious about treating any illness with diet and exercise alone.

And thanks for being patient with  me.

I'm back on an anti-depressant for the first time in years. I was angry at first, when I realized an episode of depression wasn't lifting and was just getting worse. A general physician told me to try anti-depressants before trying to pin the blame on anything else. It took a while to get an appointment to meet with a new psychiatrist, but when I finally did, she gave me something new to try. At first, I was encouraged. I really didn't want to try all the prescriptions I'd tried before because I didn't like how they made me feel. I wouldn't feel depressed, but also not really capable of joy. I could find something amusing, but couldn't laugh much. Without medication, the ability to laugh would come back, but so did the episodes of depression. In hind sight, this didn't change all that much when I used natural supplements to treat my depression either.

With the new medication came some really difficult side effects. At first, I thought it was helping, but I really wasn't sure. The doctor had told me it was her go-to prescription for depression so I trusted that it would be a good fit for me. Ultimately, it made things a lot worse and in an emergency, I ended up meeting with another doctor temporarily. He got me off the new med and onto something I'd tried before, but never on its own. After a couple of weeks, I felt much more sure that it was helping me feel better. In the meantime, I'd been meeting with my therapist again on a weekly basis. I felt encouraged just by meeting with that temporary doctor and feeling like they really supported me. It also kind of helped to have someone else say "That medication is NOT for you and should not make you feel that way". It can be hard to be your own advocate so it felt really good to have someone else stand up for me and my health. This gave me the confidence to go back and see the psychiatrist one more time: to get a refill and to increase the dose of the new medication. I felt like I could get a little more out of it, and a few weeks later, I was certain that was the right choice.

I'm meeting with a new psychiatrist soon because I don't feel comfortable working with the first one anymore (for a few reasons, mostly that I don't feel like I can trust her). I've realized that it's totally okay to look for a new doctor when one doesn't click with me. I need to feel comfortable with my doctors so that I can put my health in their hands, if need be.

From the doctor who gave me the working medication, I also got a prescription for something to help with anxiety. I've never had something specifically for anxiety before! Let me tell you, it's so nice to have something that helps quickly and takes the pressure off struggling with my own brain. Longterm, I would like to handle my own crazy thoughts with better skills and practice. When that feels too difficult, I have a real crutch to fall back on. I've finally accepted that this is a totally acceptable form of treatment for me.

I used to be such a jerk about using medication to treat psychiatric disorders. Maybe it is possible to treat them without prescription drugs, but I've tried and I'm not willing to do that right now. Right now, I have something working and I am lucky enough to not have any noticeable side effects. I'm not worried about any "what if's" right now, which is a new feeling! I've always been a big worrier due to my anxiety, but now I can tell my brain to set those concerns aside and focus on right now. Right now, this works and I don't want to try anything else.

To anybody out there who is treating mental illness with or without medication: I support your decision. Please do not stop fighting for yourself. Please consider trying different doctors until you find the right one that will support you. You deserve to find balance and peace in your mind!