I have been wondering how to talk about this article since it came out. I don’t know if there’s anything I can say about it that is not stated in the article itself.
Everyone has to learn to deal with fear at some point (well, they don’t have to, but if they don’t, life is a lot less bearable). Those skills are brought to light especially during the time of poignant tragedies such as the bombings at the Boston Marathon. Being so close to home, it struck me especially hard. It was horrifying to know that my friends were hearing gunshots close to their neighborhood, that it was dangerous for them to go outside. My town was not affected by the lockdown, but I was trapped by this oppressive fear that the situation would change and it would no longer be the town next door.
I am relieved at every kiss that Hulky and I share. We have a few rules that we abide by pretty strictly. No intentionally ignoring phone calls. No turning down a kiss, even if it’s just a quick peck. We also say “I love you” at basically every parting. It’s those little things, and being able to hold his hand everyday, that get me through the harder moments. No matter what, we had that.
I learned that I don’t really need the news. Knowing about the horrors going on in other countries, even in other areas of my own country, only makes me sleep less restfully. Where I am in my life right now, there is no way that I can help them. I’m tired of “signal boosting” tumblr and Facebook posts. Maybe someone out there can make a difference, but I can’t, and it wears on me. I’m too sensitive. What I can do is affect my local community by staying informed on state politics and local elections. I think that will have the greatest impact. Maybe someday I will find a way to share my resources with others, but I’m not ready for it yet.
That’s okay. And that is the #1 thing I have learned from this. It’s okay to be helpless sometimes.