Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Becoming I/me/mine

Yes, I keep tons of old photos. This is my legs, prior to the key-chucking, circa June 2005.
I was thinking about rings this morning (don’t read into that) on my way to work. One of my favorite and most defining rings is in the form of a skeleton key, wrapped around my right index finger. I have always worn it on that finger. It was originally gifted to me by an ex-boyfriend, but I’ve worn it so much since I got it that most people just associate it with me, and not where it came from. Even I don’t think about its origins, most of the time; it’s just a part of me. I’ve been in love with the imagery of skeleton keys for a long time now, ever since I found one at my parents house. I used to wear it around my neck, until I tossed it off a cliff in a local forest park, in a gesture of defiance.

In the never-ending journey to become who I want to be, I’ve found that my identity might be a lot more obvious to other people than it is to me. When I think about graduating college, I think of it as just something that happened to me. If I think about how I used to view other people who have graduated, as so adult and accomplished, I realize that there is no reason why that can’t apply to me as well. I’m an adult! I’m accomplished! Making it through 4 years of college is no small feat. I’m actually quite proud of myself for that. When I envision myself as some stranger wearing many rings on her fingers, I see the kind of person I always wanted to be. I don’t think I can really explain who she is in words, but the image is clear to me and I am astonished that I let myself be so blind to the person I’m becoming.

One little gesture of defiance at a time.

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