Friday, December 09, 2011

Keeping life in lists and journals

If I got rich and was done paying off any important expenses/setting aside money for my family and the rest of my life, what would I do with the money (for fun)?

I’ve been making these lists periodically for as long as I’ve had a journal…which is a long time. The earliest I remember keeping a journal is 3rd or 4th grade (I don’t have that one anymore sadly), and I think that was my “runaway journal”. I was determined to run away from home at some point in my life and that journal was going to log my journey into the cold outdoors, armed with a backpack, a toothbrush, and a change of clothes. No one ever said I took myself seriously…

I’ve had some internal conflict on the subject of keeping old journals. I made a resolution to myself years ago, that I’ve kept to pretty well, that I would not re-read journals once they’re finished. I’ve extended that to not reading past entries in my current journal as well, for peace of mind. Finishing a journal doesn’t always mean writing to the last page. I have many blank pages in many of my past journals, and even though I’d like to save some paper by filling them out completely, sometimes I just get the sense that the journal is done, and it’s time to take a break and/or start a new one. This often occurs at the start of a new year or upon receiving a new blank journal as a gift. My current journal is a hand-made leather-bound journal that I bought at Kind Richard’s Faire last year and I am determined to use every last page.

So here’s this year’s version of the answer to the bolded question that started this post:

Friday, November 18, 2011

A turning point.

This morning I went to a doctor’s appointment to discuss the possibility of having adrenal fatigue. It was actually a very productive appointment and despite the possibility of having to shell out some $ to get conclusive results and determine if I have any nutritional deficiencies, I am very excited about moving forward and at least getting a clean bill of health, if nothing else. Details follow…

Friday, November 11, 2011

Weekend goals

  • Make use of the apartment’s basement space for the first time. I’ll be stashing my bicycle down there and I think there are some sewing things that could go down there as well (easier to access than the back of my deep closet).
  • Mod the scooter: I bought a derestricted drive face boss (it goes by many names…) and installing that should allow my scooter to run a bit faster. Here’s hoping! I would still like to get a different spark plug (titanium) because they’re supposed to be awesome, but that’ll wait till next paycheck.
  • Clean the garage: It’s that seasonal time again. This is always fun.
  • Visit the craft store: it was suggested to me that I cover some foam boards in fabric for cheap and easy decorations, but I can also use them as for a bulletin/message board with thumb tacks or by criss-crossing ribbon to tuck paper behind. I think one of these would be perfect for the kitchen, for receipts, grocery lists & whatnot. I don’t have any scrap fabric (or t-shirts), so that would also mean visiting a fabric store!

And in other thoughts…

I love looking in the mirrors on my scooter and seeing a cloud striated sky and the beautiful variations in leaf color. This is the best time of year to be on the scooter, in my opinion. Of course, I would miss out on this for a number of reasons if I ever moved to the West coast, but there would be pluses to that, like not having to supplement Vitamin D!

Tomorrow I see Manchester Orchestra for the second time (note to self: pick up ear plugs) and enjoy being outside cleaning the garage. It should be a good weekend!

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Better run faster than my bullet.

I want to be an inspiration to someone. I want to know that I have made a positive difference in someone’s life.I suppose that someone would ideally be my own hypothetical offspring, but I imagine I will have the most impact on someone’s life through my efforts in recovering from depression and anxiety through natural treatments (supplements and nutrition). That is, of course, if I am “successful”, but success is relative. I am already at least minimally successful, through reducing my anxiety and depression just by going Primal.

What would I buy if I won a small sweepstakes?

Okay by small I’m talking maybe $5,000, not a million or anything. I’ve been signing up for a lot of sweepstakes lately (because if you don’t sign up, you won’t win!) and I’m not sure what I would do with the money if I won. $5,000 is not enough to pay off my student loans, but I think it could pay off at least one loan entirely. $5,000 could cover my portion of rent for 6 months, or all of rent for 3, with $500 left over in either case. That money could go towards loans, general savings, or tattoo fund. The responsible thing would of course be loans or general savings, but I’m getting a tattoo regardless =P.

I guess since I don’t want to make the decision of “this or that”, I could split it and pay for three months of my portion of rent, and put the rest towards a loan. I should still be able to pitch in towards a washer and dryer this month regardless of winning any sweepstakes, though I won’t have any spare money until December for gifts for anyone. Christmas is going to be very minimal except for the boyfriend’s gifts and my little brother (and we HAVE to get a tree!!!).

What would you do with $5,000?

Monday, October 17, 2011

Body image–revisited

As a reminder, one of my goals this year has been to be healthy and get fit.

I’ve been my usual flakey self when it comes to doing regular exercise. My gym membership is up and I won’t bother renewing it, since I hadn’t gone to swim for several months prior to it expiring. I try to do push-ups everyday, and I do kettlebell swings usually 3-4 days every week, as long as my body feels well-recovered from the last session. One work-out is usually only a few minutes, or however long it takes to do 50 swings. Yes, that’s it. And I can really feel the difference in my arms. I’m planning on being able to do 100 swings before I try progressing to other exercises with the kettlebell, since my upper body strength is pretty low. With a 15lb kettlebell, right now I can’t keep control if I try to press it over my head and ideally I should be able to do that at least once without shaking like a leaf.

Visiting childhood

I had a wonderful weekend. I got to satisfy some more of my fall-nostalgia by visiting the house I lived in until I was 6 years old. It’s literally around the corner from the house my family lives in now. People think this is strange, but really, it was the idea house for size & cost, plus it had a pool, plus my parents had two kids in elementary school that would not have to change schools. We really lucked out.

24 Ottawa Rd from the exterior has changed a bit since we lived there. The two bushes with the poppable lavender blossoms still grow at the end of the front walk, but the garden that we used to jump in from the porch is no longer next to the stairs. The house has been painted, from gray to purple (not accurately shown in this image), with a nice light yellow trim. The exterior looks well cared for. You can almost tell from this picture how small it truly is.

The house is so much smaller than I remembered it, from the passageway into the kitchen where my dad used to lie while talking on the phone, to the narrow stairs to the second floor, and the tiny bedrooms. Since I was 6 yrs old the last time I was there, it’s not surprising that it seems so much smaller now, and I can definitely see why my parents were wise in looking for a larger space for their family. It’s hard for me to imagine, with those tiny bedrooms, what kind of family could comfortably live here.

The attic has been finished since we moved out and is now a beautiful master suite with four sky-lights and a bathroom. Unfortunately, they used an old tub & fixtures so it looks outdated, despite having been renovated within the last 10 years. There are numerous cabinets & cavities up there for storage, which makes up for the decrepit basement.

Two things that haven’t changed at all: the 2nd floor bathroom (it looks cleaner than I remember, but otherwise is exactly the same, including the terrible sliding plastic “curtain” on the shower), and the basement (which was dingy back when we lived there). One thing that has almost not changed is the tiny, tiny kitchen. The floor is the same, and they just painted the cabinets white to make it seem bigger/brighter (because it is VERY dark in there). My dad gave us the grand tour and I learned about a lot of the renovations he had done when we lived there (the ceilings, the floors, the pantry/back door which came from my grandparents house in Maine and is still on the back of the house). It was really nice to see the place as I remembered it, with minor changes. I can still remember climbing up the stairs and seeing my dad asleep in the room across the hall, or the alligator-shaped stain on the ceiling in their bedroom, and swinging from the bar in my closet, which used to feature a half-sized door that allowed access to the attic and has since been opened up to a full stair-case.

They want $539,000 for this place. With the selling points being the attic suite and the first floor (because the hardwood floors are in good shape, and the dining room & living room are fine), they might get $450,000, but if the basement floods, I don’t think that’s entirely a fair price. I hope we get a nicer family living there.

(Very strange how my perspective has changed about the quality of homes since doing so much apartment searching and finally having my own apartment to care for. The Worcester apartment was never really worth up-keeping since it was in such shoddy shape to begin with, so it’s nice to have a place that I really want to invest the effort into.)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Missing you

Autumn always makes me nostalgic, especially with the rain New England tends to get this time of year. Lately though I haven’t been thinking about my teen years, mostly because I’ve been successfully staving off the depression that usually sets in with the decreased sunlight by massively supplementing with Vitamin D. I’ve been thinking about being a little kid.

Wednesday, October 05, 2011


I was recently blessed with the opportunity to meet one of my favorite authors: Laini Taylor. She is from Portland, OR, and this was her first book tour, so of COURSE I made tons of excuses until my sister basically told me she was taking me. Done. Except that I had to feed her after.

I panicked about rush hour traffic. I panicked about getting there on time. It was fine.

I don’t even mind that the picture we took came out blurry because you can still tell it’s her, and me.

Thursday, September 22, 2011


Since I began my copious doctor’s visits back in 2004 for depression and depression-managing pills, I have been told many false things about “dealing” with depression.

  • If the source is not from an event or incident or person in your life, there is no cure.
  • Sometimes medication is the only way to manage depression and you will have to stay on it for the rest of your life to function like a “normal” person.

This is complete bullshit.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Must be a lie.

This cool, ideal-Autumn-like weather has made me nostalgic for fall at Clark University and autumns past. It reminds me of having short, spikey, brightly-dyed hair and how I miss that and am constantly tempted to do it again, but don’t because of the ridiculous upkeep required. I never bothered to bleach my roots before, but now I think Fall of 2008, wearing a jacket I made and pants I embellished.I would. It reminds me of my Clark-fashion, and makes me wonder if I could get away with some of those outfits here in the office. Combat boots paired with something nicer, maybe, but the Harley Quinn leggings probably wouldn’t pass even with a nice tunic or long shirt.


Thursday, September 08, 2011

She got sunset on her breath now

I have not jabbered enough about the move, have I? I know you’ve really been missing my rambling…

Today marks 1 week of being home—that is, in our own apartment. Boyfriend & I are very happy here, despite having spent more money than we’d initially hoped to (security deposit & last month’s rent at lease signing). We were gifted with some wonderful starter/basic kitchen items by his mother that are working out great. I can’t express how frickin’ pleased we are to finally have our own space. Last night, we hung out on the couch, listened to music (Phoenix and Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes) and read. Once we have a lamp in there (I read by Kindle-light, he read by dining room light), it’s going to be such a nice hang-out space.

I just—I can’t even—words cannot express my joy over having this place. I was so happy and excited last week, prior to, during, and after the move, that I had an overload of some kind of happy brain drug and was excessively energetic, happy, but unfortunately also snappy and irritable. I crashed, emotionally, one evening at the end of the week, and am now tired and trying to replenish my stores of whatever it is I burned out on. Adrenaline?

Things I’ve learned lately:

  • Pyrex dishes with covers are awesome and so grown-up looking for bringing lunch to work. Plus, y’know, you can heat them up and clean them easily.
  • Rainy days at a corporate office means getting in early so you can grab a parking spot close to the door (and leaving early as a result, so you can go home and snuggle). I got a spot right outside the door today, since a lot of people don’t start working till after 8:30am. I try to get in by 8.
  • Driving my mom’s car (‘98 VW Jetta) after primarily driving boyfriend’s ‘05 Honda Civic is WEIRD. The clutch pedal is high, the seat is high, the steering wheel is TINY, and it feels like the power steering is too “on”, so you have to turn the wheel more than you’d expect to make turns. I dislike it, but it was fun to drive to work this morning (rather than holding up traffic on the slow, wet scooter; it rides very slowly in wet weather).
  • I think I’m almost ready to stop therapy again for a while, or to seek a different therapist/kind of therapy. I’ve found it helpful to talk to someone, but now that we’ve moved, I’m feeling a lot of the stress I had before evaporate. I’m just not sure I feel that it’s entirely necessary to go in order to function well-enough to get by week to week anymore. I think that I may go one more time in a few weeks and discuss this with the therapist before I make my final decision. Her response will probably affect my decision, as has been the case in the past (I left a therapist who strongly insisted I needed medication & talk-therapy, and while he may have been right, his approach was too strong and, I felt, inappropriate).

Friday, August 26, 2011

More scooter thoughts, and MOVING.

Riding a scooter to work practically everyday (and on weekends around town) for 2 months now has given me a new perspective on Masshole drivers. My gods, they are awful! I’m sorry, but my scooter maxes out at 28mph right now, and the speed limit is 30mph. There’s a double-yellow and I am in the middle of the lane. There is even a “No Passing” sign. SO WHY ARE YOU PASSING ME? People even pass me to, get this, get into the turn lane. Did I slow down? Did I put on my blinker? Did  I make any indication that I would be, at the same speed you’ll be making it, making a turn there? NO I DID NOT, FOOL.

I try not to let my road-rage get the better of me and have gotten better at laughing off people’s poor driving habits instead. It’s a very odd sound, laughing out-loud to yourself in full-face helmet. Sneezing is also very odd. I saw how bad these drivers were when I was driving the boyfriend’s car, but when you are so exposed and so limited (by speed and acceleration), you really start to see the asshole in the Masshole.

The funniest part about people passing me is that, in rush hour, we ultimately end up at the same place anyway: stuck behind other cars or at a light. Yeah, you got there faster! Good job! Uh…you’re probably going to get where you’re going in the same amount of time whether I’m behind you or in front of you, buddy. I try to restrain myself and not flip people off, but I might start waving at them to see if I can confuse them. Oh, and if you MUST pass me illegally, just do it safely, okay? Yesterday, someone passed me at a light. We were stopped, and I kept to the right because, while unmarked, the area is large enough for two lanes. They occupied the left “lane”, but a full car-length back from me. And then proceeded to shoot forward at the turning of the light. Why not just pull up next to me and wave? Then I would start off a bit slower instead of having to slow down to avoid your stupid ass.

On the moving front:

I am in MAJOR planning mode. Note: This is kind of a specialty of mine. Now, I do forget things, that is inevitable, but making lists helps a lot and I am SO READY to make lists. This weekend, I am going to box up/pile up all the stuff still at my parents’ house so it is ready to get picked up next week on move day (probably Sept. 1st). I am going to make a list of things that need to get picked up, and * anything that doesn’t have to go if the movers run out of energy (fortunately, that’s most of the things at my parents’ house except for my few kitchen items). Wednesday night, I will move as much as I can downstairs so it is easier to access. Before Thursday (actually, probably after laundry this weekend), I will plan out of my outfits for the rest of the week so I can pack up the rest of my clothes in duffle bags and trash bags.

I’ve stopped getting more than 5hrs of sleep every night because I am just too damn excited to sleep. I keep planning and thinking of things we need to get that I forgot to write down somewhere (dish rack), and trying to decide where my posters will go and what photographs I want to display (thinking of doing a b&w photo arrangement in the dining room with simple frames).

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

You lean and open mine before I can turn the key

Things I’ve been thinking about lately:

  • Migraines – ugh I’ve had a butt-load lately and they’ve been very bad. My doctor believes it’s a combination of sinus headaches and migraines. Based on some of the congestion I’ve had, I think that makes sense. Excedrin: Migraine is the only thing that is working right now, but I can still feel the pain creeping around in my head, just waiting for it to wear off.
  • Caffeine – There is caffeine in Excedrin: Migraine, I guess that’s part of how it is effective…something about aiding absorption of the other drugs. Taking it first thing in the morning gets me somewhat wired, which is nice for productivity and multi-tasking (THINKING? CLEARLY? What is this???), but not for steady hands. Installing hard drives with shaky hands = er….oops?
  • Kitties – Mr. Boyfriend & I are going to get a kitten together! If I had the option to have Fae living with us AND a kitten, I would love that, but the lady we are talking to about an apartment doesn’t want more than one (and it has to be flea/tick treated April-Oct). Maybe after a year or so, if she still loves us, we can have more than one. At least Fae & Kishka (family cat) seem happy bothering each other at my parents’ house.
  • Apartment – Oh yeah…SHE’S WRITING UP A LEASE AAAAAHHHH!!!! So excited. I won’t believe this is happening until we have the keys in hand. Boyfriend is arranging the move-in details so we can get moved in ASAP. I’ll have a real sized freezer! A clean kitchen & bathroom! My own couch/floor to flop on! And some really cool closets. I hope I can get some pictures of it empty, otherwise I’ll just hand the camera over to boyfriend and hope he gets some decent pictures. Things we still need to ask about: snow removal, appliance maintenance.
  • Stuff – Oh yeah. We need a lot of stuff. I updated that entry recently. Who wants to donate stuff? I should probably add vacuum… Did I mention we’ll need a washer & dryer?
  • Fall – I love Autumn weather. We had a couple days of it, and it’s starting to cool off in the evenings, which makes me go into extreme hibernation mode. We even bought hot chocolate!…and ate ice cream with it. Can it be fall now? It’ll be that much closer to allergy season being over!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Ain’t that some shit!

How am I still managing to remain hopeful about apartments in the midst of tens of viewings (I don’t know how many we’ve gone to at this point over the last year…definitely over 10 I’d guess) and declined applications and skeevy rental agents? I have no idea, but even faced with an inexperienced landlady and negotiations on price/move-in date, I feel pretty good about the situation. If we don’t get it/decide not to go for it, there will be more listings to follow up on. Obviously, we hope those listings will be sooner rather than later…

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Strive for Health–Food

This summer has been all about improving my body image and over health. Since graduating college, a lot of my eating habits have had to be adjusted in order to remain functionally healthy. On a steady diet of delivery food (pizza, Chinese, subs, pasta etc.), after I stopped swimming last summer, I gained almost 20lbs. Those 20lbs still kept me well within a healthy weight range for my  height (which apparently is up to 155lbs at 5’6”), but I felt pretty awful, and not just because I didn’t like the way I was looking. My digestive system was as bad as ever, I wasn’t sleeping all that well, and I was still always tired, which has been a persistent problem for almost the past ten years (since puberty/depression hit).

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Confidence in not knowing

Prompted by this entry (check out the blog, it's totally ALWAYS sweet).

The older we get, the more certain we get about who we are and what our purpose is. For me, a lot of it is still unknown, but as I make my way down my own path, I have begun to realize that there are indeed some inevitable truths that I know for sure. On your own blog, write a post that talks about "the one thing you know for sure."

This may be cheating to say so, but the one thing I know for sure is that I don't know for sure. My life has been in a state of upheaval for almost ten years now. Almost ten years ago was when I began to recognize myself as depressed. Since then, I have struggled to find balance in my life, in all aspects. Currently, I am tackling my body image and health. I am trying to eat healthier. I am attempting to cut out carbs this week, but have found myself experiencing "carb flu", which leaves me feeling incredibly unfocused, worn out by early afternoon, and foggy. It's not a pleasant feeling, but my acid reflux symptoms have seriously diminished and the bloated feeling I've had has largely gone away.

I didn't know for sure that cutting back on grains would help with this. I didn't know for sure if Mr. Boyfriend and I would still be together by now (a year and a half in). I didn't know for sure if I was going to make it through to graduation last year, but I did. I try to take confidence in not knowing, now, because it allows for change. Change is scary for someone like me. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. I am having a very hard time changing my eating habits and keep attributing it to not having time, energy or space to really prepare meals. I don't know for sure if that will change when we find an apartment, but that's okay. It can go either way, and either way I'll find a way for it to work. Either way, I survive.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Scooter Safety

Whether you are the one on the scooter/moped or in a car and dealing with mopeds around you, here are some thoughts from a scooter-rider on how to be safe.

-Follow the rules of the road. That means no passing when there's a double yellow, no matter how slow the scooter is going. If you are caught, YOU will be ticketed. The speed limit is a LIMIT, meaning scooters do not have to go that speed, just close to it, when possible. If your scooter is super slow and you can't stay within a reasonable range of the speed limit, maybe you should not be driving it on that road and halting the flow of traffic.
-Be courteous. A lot of people tell me that scooter riders are jerks and cut people off. Being aggressive or defensive is personal preference, but I find it best to stake your claim and be cautious. I don't get over for people to pass (because it's not legal for them to pass anyway) because I'm going 27mph in a 30mph zone. Deal with it, car, it's rush hour anyway. I don't cut people off because that's dangerous in many ways and I can't accelerate fast. Be aware of your vehicle's limitations.
-Don't generalize. SOME people can be jerks, but not all are. So it follows that not all people in cars will honk at you, try to pass you, or scooter riders will not hog the road because they're mean. They're just looking out for themselves. They're very exposed, after all. If you're stuck behind a scooter that just will not get up to speed, deal with it or find a different route to get past them, but don't compromise their safety for your impatience.
-BE SAFE, MORON. So many scooter-riders (and motorcyclists, for that matter) don't' wear proper safety gear when riding. Legally, you only need a DOT rated helmet, but gloves, long pants, a jacket (leather is good for skidding, armor is good for impact), and covered shoes (boots!) are recommended. I wear sneakers, jeans, and a light leather jacket most days, since I wear the sneakers and jeans to work anyway, and the jacket is light enough that I get a nice airflow as I'm riding in the heat, but would at least protect me from abrasions if I got into an accident. I have a thicker leather jacket that I'll wear when the weather cools. I am still without rain gear, but generally it's recommended you wear your normal riding gear underneath it so you are protected from the elements and accidents.

Commons misconceptions, because I'm tired of explaining.

Q: Scooter? Moped? Motorcycle?
A: A motorized vehicle with two wheels built to carry one or two passengers on main roadways with an automatic or 1-stage transmission is a moped/scooter. As far as I'm concerned, the terms are interchangeable. A motorcycle has a manual transmission. Legally, anything with a motor under 50cc (that's the size) is a moped (in MA anyway) and anything over that must be classified as a motorcycle. That requires a motorcycle license to ride, even if it is, by design, a scooter.

Q: What do I need to ride it, license-wise?
A: In MA, you need only a license of ANY kind to ride a scooter. It can be a regular license or class M license. I only have a regular license right now, but intend on getting class M added when I can spare the cash for courses.

Q: And registration?
A: A moped in MA can be registered one of two ways. One is to get a moped sticker instead of a plate, that gets renewed every 2 years. You can ride in bike lanes, park on sidewalks, but you CANNOT exceed 30mph. You cannot ride on roads where the speed limit is over 45mph. You do not have to have insurance, but obviously it's recommended. You can also register as a limited use vehicle, which makes you like any other vehicle on the road in regards to laws for lanes, except that you still cannot ride on roads where the speed limit is over 45 mph. You cannot exceed 40mph. In fact, your vehicle is not supposed to be CAPABLE of exceeding 40mph. You are asked the maximum possible speed upon registration (I very honestly answered "about 30"). You MUST insure a LUV in MA. I could only find a couple of companies in MA that would insure a moped and had to go with Progressive. It was $187 for the year up front (I've had my license for 5 years with no accidents).

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Resolutions - revisited

I decided to revisit my resolutions for 2011 and discovered that I'm actually doing pretty well!

-Start exercising regularly: I'm swimming at the local gym, though not as regularly as I'd like. It's a start at least. I have completely slacked off with keeping track of all this though, and would really like to get back to jotting down how many laps I do every session, for how long etc.
-Keep up with driving practice: I drove to work every day for at least the first month at my job, I think. Then I got my scooter, so I've been riding that, but I did quite well. And then this past weekend, I drove over 200 miles on the highway! Cruise control is love. I'm quite proud of myself for these accomplishments. I know that I still need practice, but at this point, that will come as I continue driving.
-Move out: yeeaahhh not any closer with this than I was before. I have the money, but we're not sure if our potential roommate is really in on this venture, and we can't find anything in an area/price range that suits us that doesn't get snatched off the market immediately.
-Keep improving my moods etc.: I'm still going to therapy, still taking Lexapro, still doing okay. Overall, I think I'm doing well here.

And the things I just kind of wanted:
-I got a laptop when the Sony store closed, woooo!
-I have the money for the tattoo, and a better idea of what I want, but just don't feel like bothering to get it right now.
-My mom was shocked that I *wouldn't* take my cat when I move out. So I guess if we can find a cat friendly apartment, Fae will come with us!

I feel like I should add some more resolutions/goals for the year, since I'm knocking these out pretty well. Hmmm...

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Oh sweet lungs

I have an excellent habit of feeling motivated, but ultimately not doing anything about it. Today I feel motivated to build up an exercise routine. I know I’m not fat, I’m actually happy with some of the changes my body has made this year, but I know I need to be more fit. I am currently in the process of obtaining some home work-out videos to try out. I don’t have a lot of space to use them right now, so we’ll have to see what’s possible, but I do have a yoga mat at least.

Someday, I’ll get a Wii just for Wii Fit. It’s supposed to be really good and I really need something to keep me motivated and something easy to follow. I’d rather not go to a gym. I need to strengthen my knees and do lots of cardio. I can’t WAIT for summer.

I apparently have no good work-out music. Time to start a playlist!

Oh, also, I start work May 9th. I’m very nervous, but looking forward to being busy and saving money again. The apartment hunt is back on, but still very frustrating since all we know is searching craigslist and that does not seem very efficient. WE NEED AN APARTMENT.

I also felt motivated to write in my blog, so voila. Sorry it’s boring!

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Thank you for joining me here tonight

My plans for exercise have gone terribly array as of late. After finally feeling better after a week of being sick on and off in various ways (yesterday was intense migraines and exhaustion, before was just general cold symptoms), and not feeling terribly depressed (probably because I’m feeling better and the sun is out!), I realized that I am probably not going to get to go biking 3 days a week like I’d hoped. Tomorrow is interview #2 at the best damn job I could even dream up at this point in my life. I think I have a really good shot at getting it, and of course, that will mean coming up with some other way to get in regular exercise.

My bicycleI may look into early morning bike rides or biking to work, once I’m fit enough. OR roller blading in the morning? That seems fun, plus it’s kind of like running, except I hate running! I know it still requires skill but pshah, I’m sure I can learn (readers, meet optimism, it’s rare). Eh. I need to do something. The schedule of a real full-time job is going to make it difficult, and makes a gym more appealing, though I hate the idea of er…public exercise? Hard to explain.

Whine whine whine. I kind of hope I have some time to spare before the job starts (if I get it) so I can keep up with my spring cleaning of house and self.

Monday, March 21, 2011

I guess I should’ve kept my eyes closed.

There’s always plenty to say, but it doesn’t always come out easily. I just took a quick glance at some of my goals for the year, and I’m doing pretty well on some fronts.

-I’ve been practicing driving! I’ve taken myself to the bank, the grocery store, and my parents’ house on separate trips recently. My confidence behind the wheel is growing, slowly but surely, but I still feel like I can’t see everything that is going on and I have no idea where things are around me. I stop so I can still see the rear wheels of the car in front of me (like we were taught) and I park about a foot from the curb (just because I can’t tell where it is!).

-When I was working, I brought lunch to work pretty much every day! PB&J and yogurt is not much, but it was enough to get me through till dinner, and it was inexpensive.

-Slowly but surely we are coming up with new things to make for dinner (but we still order out fairly frequently, it’s a good fallback plan anyway).

My fountain pen!-I’ve been writing in my written journal a lot with my new fountain pen. I write about everything. Sometimes it’s just soothing to physically write, not just because I’m getting my thoughts out, but because the motion is kind of mind-numbing. I had a lot of “deep thoughts” on the flights to and from Seattle, but unfortunately could not get to my journal. I used to write a lot on flights (when my family would visit other family in Illinois or we’d fly to Maryland or Florida). Something about being up in the sky just makes me feel verbose and poetic.

-I am still going to therapy, though not frequently because my new doctor is not available all that often, and I am back to trying out Lexapro. So far this dose seems really good. I am not overly tired from it, and it takes the edge off my anxiety so that I feel like I can function.

I’ve been failing pretty hardcore on other fronts though. I am still not exercising (still want to swim, but now I have to be a lot more conservative financially so it’s not really an option). I have not really moved out  yet, but that will have to wait until my funds can support the move.


om nom nomHolcomb and I went to Seattle this past week for 4 days. We had a blast. We didn’t see everything I’d hoped to, but we did a lot of things that we hadn’t planned on initially and were still fun. The best part was probably the photos here in the blog, the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. I just like how the photos came out. I didn’t get a lot of other ones on the trip that I’m proud of, probably partially due to the fact that I’m not at all used to my new camera yet. I do love it, though.

Rows and rows of delicious candy apples

We met up with a new friend that we met on World of Warcraft for drinks. She was not creepy and very nice, and we had a fun time with her. I was pretty nervous the whole time. I am not good at talking in bars (I have pretty bad volume control as it is, and it gets worse when I drink). I don’t hear people all that well, so it’s even harder in loud settings, which makes me nervous when it’s new people and they don’t know me and expect me to ask what they’re saying a lot. I think it was fine though. People tell me that I come across pretty friendly even when I’m nervous, so I guess that’s good!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I’m going to PAX East (Penny Arcade Exposition) this weekend and so far it’s been a blast.

Reasons why my week has rocked so far:

-I bought a laptop (VAIO, silver S series), we named it Nameless

-I won a new video card at PAX East (Galaxy GeForce GTX560Ti) that is much better than my current one.

-PAX East is over-stimulating and a blast!

-We saw Simon at PAX! And he won an iPad!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

All things must pass.

My store is closing and I'll be unemployed by March 31st. The store is open till March 20th, and after that, we get to clean up. I at least got a few good things out of this: excellent job experience, more for my resume, hopefully awesome references, and an awesome camera. My dad got a super awesome, super cheap TV. I also made new friends that I hope I can keep in touch with =)

The biggest thing that scares me at this point is finding a new job, not having no money (I am going to file for unemployment later in the month). I am also pretty disappointed that I will not get the opportunity I was dreaming of to really show off how well I've done in this position. I had hoped to get an opportunity to move to San Diego and work in corporate, but now I can't (I can't even apply to work for Sony for the next year). Sigh. Life goes on, and I'm taking it surprisingly well!

I only wish that we could have an apartment by now, but of course, the search must be put on hold.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Time for change

I decided to put Henna in my hair.

Not only did I find a hairstyle that I LOVE

I found a Henna that sounds like it will be super effective, and there's a store that sells it right across from my work. I bought a bar today and am going to try some strand tests soon. I am going to get my hair cut before I do my whole head though. I've been doing some research on the forums for Lush (the manufacturer of the Henna brick) and I think I'll get the color I want by adding either Black tea instead of hot water, or coffee. I'm just not thrilled about the prospect of having coffee smell in my hair for 3-6 hrs.
Hopefully I can start all this this weekend, but first, I need to get my hair cut.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Technical break-down

I have always been a Windows OS person. I grew up with both a Mac and a PC (stupid that that's the alternate term, since it just means "personal computer"), a Mac was actually my first computer that I used with any regularity (going online, playing puzzle games, checking out the TY website), but Windows has always been preferable for me.

My mom wants a Macbook Air. Many parts of me are greatly opposed to this, primarily the anti-Mac one. It's not that Macs are terrible computers, in fact, they are generally considered to be pretty reliable (though I've seen my fair share of hardware failures on them, as much as PCs). They tend to have fewer software issues as there are less Mac-compatibile softwares available, and it really comes down to statistics: less people use Macs. Why? It's less easy to futz with them, if you're mechanically inclined (I use that term in the sense of mechanics being customizable interface & general hackery and software changes, not physical mechanisms), and they are more expensive than any of your average PCs.

Let's compare. First some terms:
-SSD = Solid State Drive, a newer type of Hard Drive that is faster and has no movin parts, thus less prone to failure as the usual spinning hard drives are. Still a fairly new technology, but very popular, but sadly expensive.
-ODD = Optical disc drive (aka what you put your CDs/DVDs in)
-DDR3 = The newest type of memory (DDR2 being the last one). Fast and awesome, basically.

Macbook Air - $999
-Screen size: 11"
-Processor: 1.4 GHz Intel Core2 Duo
-Memory: 2gb DDR3
-Hard Drive: 64gb SSD
-ODD: none
Summary: Small, lightweight, probably good battery life, but the processor is old/not impressive/could be slow, that's not a whole lot of memory, and that's very little space. This is probably just meant to be used to be portable for meetings and travelling, but that's a lot to pay.

What can we compare it to when it comes to Sony?

Sony VAIO X-series - $1099.99
-Screen size: 11"
-Processor: 2.0GHz Intel Atom
-Memory: 2gb DDR2
-Hard Drive: 64gb SSD
-ODD: none
Summary: Small, lightweight, excellent battery life (8+hrs), but the processor is definitely not going to be fast, the memory is still not much and it's the older type. Aside from the processor and memory type, this is fairly comparable to the Air.

What about Dell & HP?

Dell Inspiron M101z - $429.99
-Screen s ize: 11"
-Processor: AMD Athelon II 1.7GHz
-Memory: 2gb DDR3
-Hard Drive: 250gb (not SSD)
-ODD: none
Summary: No info on what the battery life is like, and I'm not a fan of AMD processors, but this is a nice in-between for the VAIO and Macbook, at less than half the price! It probably won't be super fast, but you get much more storage space, and it's still a nice, small computer.

HP dm1z - $449.99
-Screen s ize: 11"
-Processor: AMD Dual-core processor 1.6GHz
-Memory: 3gb DDR3 (current promotion allows a 1gb upgrade for free)
-Hard Drive: 320gb (not SDD, current promotion allows upgrade from 250gb with no extra cost)
-ODD: none
Summary: The processor in this one is better than the Dell, you get more memory and more space, but are going to sacrifice on battery life

In the Dell and HP, to upgrade to a SSD would increase the cost by a few hundred dollars, but that would still make them cheaper than the first two options. The question comes down to brand dependability and customer support. Apple and Sony have stores (if limited, when it comes to Sony), HP and Dell do not. Apple has a much better option for in-warranty repairs (they aim to complete repairs within 3 business days) than any other, which will probably take at least 7-10 business days, if not longer. If you're going to take good care of your comptuer and don't have bad luck, then you might as well get something affordable! Everybody whines about all of these brands, so it all comes down to bias, $, and personal preference. And probably which is the prettiest.

I just did this comparison for fun (and to kill some time). At my job, I can get pretty good discounts on comptuers, and I do like a lot of the features on VAIOs, but the comptuers are rather expensive, even if they do have a lot of nice new features. My mom's preference for a Macbook Air comes from her perception of Macs being reliable and easy to use, which is valid, but the Air is not a good choice for a small business, neither would any of the units I compared. She would want to look at a Macbook or Macbook pro, and to compare those...well the VAIO comparable alternatives are at least $200 less for the same or better features =\

Anyway...back to computer drooling.