Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Slow starts.

This morning I remembered that Spring semesters are difficult for me. I can't account for high school years anymore, but for college, this has certainly held true.  Freshman year, I started working at ITS, and I can recall a number of days when I was unwilling to get out of bed and go to work.  Everything was going well for me, but I just could not motivate myself.  Sophomore year I was fairly moody that semester and I believe I tried therapy or counseling again.  It didn't go well.  Junior year I was struggling with the inevitable break-up.  I became somewhat more social during the latter part of the semester, but in the beginning, I'm sure I was pretty unpleasant.  The hardest part about these times is just getting out of bed.  It should get better when the days get longer and the weather is better, but for now, I dread seeing the snow outside my window, I dread the inevitable cold showers of Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and my fear of falling behind in all of my classes, as it happens.

I look forward to more warm mornings and tossed blankets with a certain someone.  Wherever those mornings may be.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Photography is out to get me

Alright, letting some frustration bleed over here.

I have to catch up in Photography. There are going to be more than a few ruined rolls of film as I sort out what the fuck I'm doing again. I can't get the light right, I don't know if I'm overdeveloping or underdeveloping because I can't remember what each looks like on the negatives. I can't look at negatives and tell if they're good or not. Maybe I couldn't before. It seemed so intuitive then. Maybe my focus has changed.

I'm going to buy the Lomography Fisheye toy camera. Hopefully that, with its simple fixed focus and built in flash, will bring a bit of love back to photography. I'm even hating on my digital camera right now. The internal memory being slow, I'm used to that now, but DAMN why does it distort when you take pictures too close? I guess it's kind of a wide angle lens? Hell if I know. I need a reference book for all this terminology, I just can't remember anything. I just want a nice little self-portrait goddammit!

What I'd really like to photograph this semester is myself and David. Not necessarily together, but that would be nice too. First thing is getting my negatives to look a hell of a lot better, get a better sense of lighting and the settings on my camera again. Then, figure out how to DIY a bit of lighting so I don't have to go down to Traina Center for an "organized" shoot. I want to capture David's discontent with his status as a soldier in expressive portraits, and I want to examine what it means to be photogenic in myself. Sounds fun, yes? NOT IF I CAN'T PHOTOGRAPH MYSELF FOR CRAP. The negatives I developed today looked terrible, but of course, I can't be sure until I go to the darkroom because I can't look at those damn shadows properly.