So apparently Ritalin and energy drinks have similar effects on my mind. It's not entirely pleasant, but interesting, and so I considered today an experiment. A bad day for experimentation for sure, what with bordering on exhaustion and all, but I needed to get through the day without falling apart. So I drank a Monster!
When I take Ritalin (or apparently when I drink Monster), I think quite a bit faster, and thus talk quite a bit faster. I definitely process stimuli much faster than I normally would, but it's very confusing to me, because at the same time that I am thinking so quickly, I am wondering "Wow, how am I doing this?" and end up thinking about my thinking...while I'm thinking. It creeps me out because it's so unlike how my brain normally is. It's like...controlled scatter-brain. I can multi-task, I am efficient, but I still have an awful shortterm memory and I get very excitable in that sort of state, which can be dangerous for me. I am generally pretty excitable, I'd say, if we're defining excitable as easy distracted or able to switch to trains of thought very quickly, but not between. With a stimulant though, I end up confused in the back of my mind by all the thinking that's going on and generally just end up feeling very uncomfortable. I wish it would really make a difference for me, but I don't think a different type of medication would really help having executive functioning disorder.
I am going to experiment with caffeine while I'm in Maine, maybe just a cup of tea in the morning to start with. I'll be getting enough sleep, and keeping active, so that seems like a good time to moderate my energy levels. Perhaps just regular caffeine won't leave me shaky and a little freaked out.
I've lost 5lbs in the past 3 weeks. I'm at my lowest weight right now. This isn't good, and I have no idea how it happened. I was 118 when I went to the doctor.