Wednesday, July 29, 2009

CARNIVAL

So apparently Ritalin and energy drinks have similar effects on my mind.  It's not entirely pleasant, but interesting, and so I considered today an experiment.  A bad day for experimentation for sure, what with bordering on exhaustion and all, but I needed to get through the day without falling apart.  So I drank a Monster!

When I take Ritalin (or apparently when I drink Monster), I think quite a bit faster, and thus talk quite a bit faster.  I definitely process stimuli much faster than I normally would, but it's very confusing to me, because at the same time that I am thinking so quickly, I am wondering "Wow, how am I doing this?" and end up thinking about my thinking...while I'm thinking.  It creeps me out because it's so unlike how my brain normally is.  It's like...controlled scatter-brain.  I can multi-task, I am efficient, but I still have an awful shortterm memory and I get very excitable in that sort of state, which can be dangerous for me.  I am generally pretty excitable, I'd say, if we're defining excitable as easy distracted or able to switch to trains of thought very quickly, but not between.  With a stimulant though, I end up confused in the back of my mind by all the thinking that's going on and generally just end up feeling very uncomfortable.  I wish it would really make a difference for me, but I don't think a different type of medication would really help having executive functioning disorder.

I am going to experiment with caffeine while I'm in Maine, maybe just a cup of tea in the morning to start with.  I'll be getting enough sleep, and keeping active, so that seems like a good time to moderate my energy levels.  Perhaps just regular caffeine won't leave me shaky and a little freaked out.

I've lost 5lbs in the past 3 weeks.  I'm at my lowest weight right now.  This isn't good, and I have no idea how it happened.  I was 118 when I went to the doctor.

1 comment:

  1. I've lost 5lbs in the past 3 weeks. I'm at my lowest weight right now. This isn't good, and I have no idea how it happened.
    ^^ wtf please do something about this

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